Hurtful day

Wow, can you believe it has been 1 year of finding out the worst news anyone could possibly hear?? January 26th, 2009 was the worst day of my life. This is the day we found out Mom had cancer. It seems like it just happened yesterday. It has been a year from finding out the worst news that anyone could hear. I can still hear Mom's voice when she called me at work. She said, "Jana, I have cancer." Just hearing the sadness in her voice broke my heart. She told me to stay at work and not to come home. Of course I knew she needed me to be with her so I hurried to Toronto to give her a big hug and tell her everything would be ok. I am so proud of my mother. She fought for her life and never once complained about the fight she had ahead of her. Mom had faith and believed! Her word through her whole fight with cancer was BELIEVE. Through this last year I watched my mother fight for her life. She is the strongest person that I know. She never once gave up. She told us she wanted to be around for at least 1 more summer. Her wish came true! She was here!! When we found out Mom's results we didn't think we would have her long. She made it through 8 months!! We had 8 extra months with our Mother. Mom's best months were last Summer. Her and Dad connected more than what I have ever seen in my life. They would go to the Casino together, go for daily walks or just sit outside and enjoy each others company. Mom made Dad walk because of his heart attack. It's heartbreaking when you see your parents connect again and then not too long after she is taken away. When we talk about Mom in front of Dad, his eyes sparkle and you can still see the love that he still has for his best friend.

People may think I am crazy but I feel Mom with me everyday. She is still giving me signs! The other night I had a dream about Mom and woke up and it felt like she was right beside me. I felt her touching my face. I think that is my sign knowing she is ok! I felt that a few days after Mom passed. Another sign is I saw a Rainbow in Wal mart's parking lot. I have no idea how it was there. There wasn't any rain or sun. The parking lot was wet. I think Mom did it just for me! Then the other day I was driving home from Dad's house. Maraya was in her car seat just laughing away. I looked back at her and she was scrunched up like someone was tickling her. She couldn't stop laughing. I believe Mom was with us and playing with her! It's such an amazing feeling knowing that Mom is still right beside me everywhere I go! I am blessed to have these feelings!! Maybe I am having these signs because I told Mom while she was dying to give me signs. She always stuck to her words and she still is!! Everyday I miss Mom more and more. I still have the questions running through my head. Why did this happen to our family? Why my mother? What did she do to deserve this? Then I keep telling myself that there is a reason why God took her. He needed another wonderful Angel to watch over us!

Be thankful for what you have and live each day to your fullest. Any second your life can change for the worst. I never would have thought my family would ever go through what we just did. It made me open my eyes and love life more and more everyday.

I am thankful for my family and friends. I really don't think I would have made it through this year without any of you. Thank you to everyone who helped me get through this last year. I hope I am as good of friend as you all are to me!

I love and miss you Mom.